Sunday, May 22, 2005

How to Avoid Shitty Blogs

If you, as I often do, scroll through blogger land by hitting the next button you will notice that you are inundated with bad blogs. As to not miss anything good, you typically spend at least a couple of minutes trying to find out what that site is about only to find that it's mindless dribble and you have just wasted five minutes of your aging life.

I have come up with a system that will immediately let you know how to avoid such blogs without actually reading any of the posts.

Don't read any blog that has ___"see below"____ in/on it, because it's going to suck ass:

Pictures of naked dudes
The color pink
Blinking / Flashing
Japanamation characters
Pictures of celebrities
Articles about celebrities
A Picture of Eminem
The words "youth group"
The word "teen"
Hearts
Unicorns
More than one scroll down screen
Streaming music from 50 cent
Pictures of Honda Civics with wings
Bitching about how bad America has it
Pop up ads
No next button / blogger bar
A foreign language, but doesn't have artsy looking photos of nude women on beaches
The words Mortgage or Home Equity
Any kind of business promotion
Short hand, example: "I luv 2 rite 4 u"
A "Friend of Israel" banner; No, the biggest recipient of US aid doesn't need your support!
A blogs for Bush banner; the previous applies!
A picture of someone's baby
A picture of something someone has knitted
Any discussion about the "war against Christians / the religious right and the liberal media"
More than four paragraphs per post (Me excluded)
A personal journal; No one cares if you ran out of clean socks!
No place for comments; Because you know you are wrong!
Wolves
A depiction comparing anything to Hitler and the Nazi's
Photos of someone's piercings that they think will freak you out
Pictures of someone's truck or motorcycle
And unless you're a bald eagle, no pictures of eagles standing in front of a flag!
Any shitty list of any kind!

Perfect example of a shitty blog : Shitty Blog

My other shitty lists:

How to be a Republican
Top 25 Ipod Desert Island Songs
Crazy Left Wing Liberal Causes
Classic Sex Offenders
Bomb Throwing Hate Peddlers
Just Sign My Guest Book

36 comments:

Nölff said...

I agree for the most part. I wish people knew how to make there shit legible. I can't stand it when some go so crazy with HTML you can't even read it.

GrigorPDX said...

Hey now ... I think some of those criteria fit my blog. While it's certainly not anything great, it's surely not "shitty" is it?

indygirl said...

Heh. Please throw "Japanimation" in there.

Toad734 said...

RE Grigor

Not at all.
No Bush Banners
No Pink Hearts
Fairly short posts
No Winged Civics
No 50 Cent or other celebrities
Most importantly, no naked dudes!

Youre good.

Toad734 said...

I already have Japanimation characters, doesnt that count?

injinuity said...

agree with everything except the truck part... grrrr

Sandi said...

The only thing I would disagree with is the Nazi thing, but only if they are comparing the current administration to the Party. Besides mine may be shitty, since I went to photography, but I think some of those shots are really cool.

Toad734 said...

Photo Blogs are acceptable.

Joe Wiess said...

Hehe.
John, that's priceless, but it pretty much leaves out all the kids, foreign blogs, and certain political websites.
But, hey we can live without them.

Thankfully, my blog doesn't meet your shyte list (which might be because I hate gaudy sites.) But, I digress.

Toad734 said...

I figured the pink hearts, unicorns the word teen and no 50 cent covered the kids. And I have the foreign lanuage blog on the list. As I said, they are ok as long as they are Spanish sites with artsy pictures of naked women on beaches.

trick said...

Ahora, el blog del Toad es mierda porque yo escribo en español.

Toad734 said...

RE: Trick

Because I don't have any artsy black and white photos to offer and I don't want to break my own rules

KentuckyShade said...

why doesn't blogger give you the option to scroll through blogs in a certain language? as much as i like some aspects of their program, their navigation is ridiculous. if you have some site in a language with unreconizable characters, and no "Next" option, it makes that site about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop.
that's my rant against shitty blogs.
good site man.

poopie said...

Um..so what's the secret big boy? I'd like to avoid the entire list you made. They're ALL shitty.

Chads hoe said...

you left a comment on my blog asking how did you know what did you mean

Toad734 said...

RE: Kentucky

I myself have no use for a cock flavored lollipop, although I am sure some do, nor do I have any use for a blog in Chinese.

Boiled Owl said...

I noticed Toad doesn't stop by our blog much anymore. Nice when he pops in though – uninvited and rude as he was the first time – he's become a rather welcome guest. Stop in again sometime Toad. Who knows, you might learn something. There are people smarter than you are there.

ty bluesmith said...

please don't put me on your shitty blog list.

BRUISER said...

IF A BEAR TAKES A SHIT OF THE WEB AND NO ONE IS THERE TO WATCH IT WILL THE TOAD EVENTUALLY FIND THAT SHIT?

SHIT IS EVERYWHERE... ESPECIALLY IN BILL FRIST'S PANTS SINCE HIS REPUBLICANO PARTY SAVED FACE AND AGREED TO A "COMPROMISE"...I KNOW REPS HATE THAT WORD....

CAN YOU ADD SHITTY BLOGS ABOUT DOGS

Anonymous said...

Brusier is right there is shit everywhere ...

I believe the White House is starting to smell...

Anonymous said...

Hey Toad,

I Jeff Gannon... really do want a case of those ...lolipops right away...

Anonymous said...

Air America Chicago 850 AM RADIO

BRUISER said...

I have gone to hell and came back with these shitty blog/sites for your shitty approval ...

www.patriotblog.com
www.fraterslibertas.com
www.powerlineblog.com
www.patriot-paradox.com

and the TURD OF KINGS...and QUEENS (although you musn't assume they ever fart...but realize they shit too)

www.imao.us <<---needs a royal flush


While I was doing research of these neocon hacks I did find a that two of their favorite political songs are these:


'Tard The Loon

and Jeff Gannons/James Guckerts Favorite

Blow The Man Down




Thank you in advance of your hatemail..

Bruiser

Spinfly said...

I read your post, then I promptly went to the next button, and this is what I found
Hillarious Shitty Blog

Irony?… Karma?… who knows?

shadylayne said...

Bruiser needs to give up politics and stick to Horror Cons. Don't you have a new issue if Fangoria to read???

Now, shut up or I'm gonna tell your wife to send back that fancy new TV you got.

BRUISER said...

Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie...

Where to begin...wait there's a new issue of FANGORIA?!#$%! What the hell am I doing here making sure you neocons don't censor shit?

Anonymous said...

Nobody leaves baby in the corner...

EsotericWombat said...

As for anime characters it really depends on which ones. If its Vash the Stampede (dude with spiked yellow hair and a red trenchcoat), anyone from Dragonball or Inu Yasha, or any of the Americanized faux-anime, then yeah I agree. But there are people who like anime who don't suck

jku said...

Might I add NASCAR-themed photos/writings to your list?

Although, the bald eagle/winged Civic/Nazi/pro-Bush thing probably covers that aspect of it.

Toad734 said...

RE: JKU

Im sorry, I thought that was obvious.

Although I really don't see too many NASCAR blogs for some reason.

Hmmm, I wonder why that would be?

BRUISER said...

While we are on the NASCAR topic why is this the only sport BUSH doesn't want to have drug tests in?

Hmmmm.... can't we just test him and that friend of the Reichwing

Arnold S. AKA "I have been here 40 years and still have this outrageous accent" AKA Arnold Swarzanazi AKA can I touch your boobies?

Dem0critus said...

Too many blogs break when the text size is increased. For reasons such as this, I don't like any of blogger's default templates.

Dem0critus said...

I've never liked those stupid bars that blogger places at the top of their blogs, but I just added a "Next Blog" link to my main header just so that folks that happenstance onto my blog that way aren't stranded.

Marc said...

How about using cartoon balloons to put words in the mouths of celebrities, like Enimem singing Michael Jackson's "Thriller"?

Toad734 said...

I guess that would be ok

tugboatcapn said...

Toad, believe it or not,I like your blog. I think you and I would get along really well if we met in real life...