Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Look Ma I'm a Republican, Sort Of

I am:
21%
Republican.
"You're probably one of those people who still thinks that getting a blowjob is not an impeachable offense."

Are You A Republican?




Oh, and you have probably seen this, its one of those chain letters but kind of clever, I have added a couple myself:

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery

- Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness

- "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India

- A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation

- Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of gays and Hillary Clinton

- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex

- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money

- HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart

- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

- Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools

- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion

- A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet

- The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

-Black people in this country have the same opportunities in life as white people.

-Being born with money doesn't give you any advantages or benefits over people who are born without it.

-Babies who are born poor are just lazy.

-Child safety caps on aspirin, channel lock outs on TVs, and child safety locks on car doors are a great way to keep our children safe; Child safety locks on semi-automatic weapons is Communism.

- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony

19 comments:

BRUISER said...

You forgot one essential ingredient to being a SCUMBAG REPUBLICAN'T:

SMEAR OUR UNITED STATES SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN DURING AND AFTER WARTIME ESPECIALLY IF THEIR SERVICE CAN BE QUESTIONED FOR POLITICAL GAIN LIKE ATLANTA'S TRIPLE AMPUTEE VIETNAM VETERAN IN GEORGIA... GOOD ONE RNC...BETTER DEAD THAN RED...

trick said...

i am -6% republican. it said i'm a damn commie!

Toad734 said...

Re: Trick

Obviously

GrigorPDX said...

Damn, Trick! I only made it to -3%. <pout>

Nölff said...

I'm -3 too. Atleast it's higher than my bank account right now.

Toad734 said...

How are all of you in negative numbers? I didn't even know there was negative numbers. Now I look like Hitler with the 21%!

Admit it, you all like men!

Anonymous said...

I wound up with 8% and it called me . . . a liberal! HA!

GrigorPDX said...

Hey! Some of my best friends are men .... ;-)

trick said...

Toad is a stodgy old 21% Republican

trick said...

C'mon proud Republicans, please comment with your score and save Toad from holding the record!

Sandi said...

Try as I might I could only get a -3%. There is something liberating in being called a commi.

Toad734 said...

Fine, I guess I'll just go bomb an abortion clinic, exploit some third world labor, fire some American workers, censor some tv shows and pull children out of public shcools and put them in home schools so I can teach them the important science lessons of the bible!

Hoosier said...

1% Pubbie here. "You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

Fairly pure anyways:) And I thought I was more moderate.

BRUISER said...

117%....see calling reagan a senile puppet makes you even more of a republican....Hey toad your 21% score is because you like Pat Buchannen wanted to build a wall and a "moat" between the United States and Mexico...

Toad734 said...

I don’t want to build a wall on the border, Pat Buchanan can if he wants, but that sounds like hard, hot work to me.

If they were to build a wall, I wouldn't oppose, just as I wouldn't oppose sending Ken Lay to jail.

Coming across the border is illegal, border agents are there to stop that from happening, what else could prevent illegal immigration across the border that drives wages down for American workers? A wall would be one, soldiers would be another, forcing companies to pay fair wages, thus eliminating the need for cheaper labor would be another, I don't see how those are bad, it would be preventing illegal activity. If you want to reward illegal activity then you would have to reward it all that includes letting Martha Stewart, Enron and all of those criminals do what they want as well.

If the laws don't work then, change them, but the laws as they are should be enforced or taken off the books.

Joe Wiess said...

Um..I'm 51% republican. Which is not a bad thing, really.

Taking it from your questions:
- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery

I'm not that big of a Rush Fan, and I think he needs serious help. Maybe check his butt into a detox center, or better yet, jail, until he dries out.
Prescription drugs, illegal narcotics, same difference..both are addictive.

- Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness

Government should get the heck out of our lives and leave us alone. If we want to eat tree bark and mandrake roots, let us. Some of the best medicines are natural.

- "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India

I think that any company that fires people to move operations to a third world country, should be declared an enemy of the state. It's too bad that a majority of the stockholders are only interested in money, and not in bettering people's lives.


- A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation

A woman can be trusted with decisions about her own body, but she should occassionaly have to pay the penalty for sleeping around. My stance on Abortion: Only for incest, rape, and if the child would be born with horrible life threatening problems, and if having the baby would kill the mother.
Huge multi-national conglomerates don't care about people, just money. If people stopped buying the drugs, they'd go broke.


- Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of gays and Hillary Clinton

Jesus doesn't hate gays or Hillary Clinton. He hates the sin, not the sinner. Some of my best friends are gays. I'll get along with anyone else, as long as they don't pound me over the head with what they believe.

As for Hillary, I don't trust her any further than I can throw her, but then the same goes for Bush.

- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If it were up to me, I'd give the military a great big pay raise and cut the congresses salary by 50%. I'd make sure that the soldiers got their health care. After all, they are out there, so that we can have this discussion without looking over our shoulders.

- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex

If Sex were kept in the bedroom where it is supposed to be, Kids wouldn't think about it. Face it, it's only because it's being taught in school that kids are experimenting.


- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money

A good way to fight terrorism is to educate the rest of the world. They are only kept down because they aren't allowed freedom. Education is Freedom.

- HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart

Yeah right, and I'm Uncle Sam. HMO's and insurance companies have the bottom line at heart.

- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

How about not providing health care at all and letting people fend for themselves? No where in the Constitution is Health Care a right.

- Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools

Global Warming, maybe..but Tobacco's link to cancer is proven, as is it's addiction. Why else would people stand out in negative number weather, just to smoke? I think that Creationism and Evolution should be taught side by side to give equal coverage.

- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion

Saddam was an evil guy all around, and we should have never done business with him, just as we should have never put the Mullah's in power, or worked against the Shah of Iran.


- A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Clinton's only mistake was not saying, "It's none of your business."
I'll forgo the Iraq war, for the moment, as I'm still thinking on that one. Even if there were no WMD's, Saddam should have been taken out, just for killing the Kurds and torturing his citizens. But then, I also think we should put an end to the useless fighting in Africa as well. Oil shouldn't be the determining factor of where we go.

- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet

Government should be by the people, for the people, of the people, and if Gays want equal rights, they should run their ideas through a vote, not through a court.

- The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Yeah, right. I think that if you run for office, your life should be lay bare to scrutiny.

- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

It's all relevant. An informed voter is a smart voter.

- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony

I don't think we should do trade with any of the above. I say starve the communist nations and they'll buckle.

Toad734 said...

RE: Joe

Finally a real Republican!

Now I can look like a commie lefty again.

By the way, sign me up for the cut in congressional pay and hike in the soldiers pay.

Two Minutes J said...

You know it doesn't matter what I'm labeled as. The wealth and power distribution here in the United States is about as far off balance as it can be. Less than 10% of the people control 90% of the wealth. (And money means power.) In communist countries usually 1-2% control about 99% of the wealth. We're not too far off from that. Fuck this place. I might as well move to Cuba, at least that way I'd be getting laid by Hispanic women. I can't get enough of them.....Bye Bye from the Shithole of America

BRUISER said...

So Mr. Weiss supports the Party that leads campaigns by smearing our nation's Veteran's ... congratulations your a Scumbag... Your rhetoric and ideas on most of these issues are recockulous to say the least...

You wish to put Equal Rights up for a vote? Really? In 1950 would that have been a good idea too? Thanks boy.

If Education is Freedom as you say...why do Republicans Hate Education? Thus Hating Freedom...?

Sex should be kept in the bedroom? Oh like your Required Republican Sex Gear i.e. whips...chains...multiple copies of Caligula...and that midget in bondage gear???

And Your notion of women having to pay for "sleeping around"? Thats what child support is for ... your Republican Brethren should thank the lord that women have the right to choose an abortion over having YOUR child anyday...

In Conclusion you wish to forgo the QUAGMIRE known as the Iraq Occupation ...some see as Imperialism in its purest form ??? Why because you like George Bush do not understand what in the hell they and your party did in the first place in bombing Iraq instead of the real menace known as Saudi- Arabia????

Go ahead and teach Creationism alongside Evolution...but also be prepared to make sense of Wicca being taught in the classroom and the Koran being taught, Taoist philosophies, Hosting Nazi Pride Day on campus as well as Gay Pride. Where do facts stop and your "theories" start????

Listen Up Buttercup the World need not be educated about terrorism as you say but the past four years has been a helluva lesson for America to experience the strategy on her shores... As the world becomes more open in borders and policy your only Republican move is isolation... and that is a lesson the rest of America the Proud ...the Educated 48% of us learned on 9/11...

So give a big kiss and hug to your Saudi Sponsored Terrorist and lets hope your Neocon Peak is washed away in 2006 and THE RESPONSIBLE BECOME THE CHIMPEACHED.