Monday, April 25, 2005

Gullible Christians

Lately, there have apparently been a lot of Jesus, Mary the mother of Jesus and also Satan sightings in someone's steamy shower, bowl of corn flakes or as a stain on the side of the wall. Now you may say that this is impossible, and even if it were possible why would the all powerful son of God or Satan for that matter, decide to ambiguously leave a sad looking profile of themselves in some Mexican family's back yard. Since no one knows what either Jesus or Mary looked like, why does everything that looks like the shape of a person get attributed to them? Why when one sees a shape in a pile of dog shit are they convinced that this is an image of Jesus? Why couldn't it be Joseph, Elvis, Stalin, Marilyn Monroe, a guy who used to live next door, or better yet, just a pile of dog shit that took the shape of something that it is not?

The grilled cheese is a prime example of what I am talking about; if this image looks like anybody it's Marilyn Monroe, not Mary the mother of Jesus:
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Here are some other photos that claim to be, but are not, images of Satan, Jesus or Mary:

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This was actually reported in the news. Idiots!

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So if this is supposed to me Mary, why doesn't it look like the same person in the grilled cheese? To me it looks like one of the aliens from Close Encounters.

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Come on now, we all know this is just a lost Picasso painting.

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Courtesy of my home town.

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Yes, I admit the guy on the cross does look like Jesus, but they are talking about the light refraction in the window.

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This just looks like someone got done taking a shower, It looks more like a bowling Pin or a Penguin than anything else.

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It looks like the figure from burning man, If that is what Jesus looked like, no one would have followed him, he looks like a wuss!

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No this just isn't a turtle with markings that resemble a goat, it's Satan.

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This is supposedly both Jesus and his cross, now crosses have souls and can appear as apparitions too.

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So I guess this would be the virgin womb that gave birth to the wooden baby Jesus.

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Holy shit! It's a miracle, I spilled some water on the floor and Jesus is trying to tell me that he was on a cross once, or something.

The latter is the only image that wasn't reported by the media. So not only do people think that God is talking to them, but they actually convince a news team to come out and photograph it.

Another point that needs to be brought up is why does this only happen to Christians, mainly Catholics with Spanish or Italian last names, but never Jews or Muslims? When was the last time Moses appeared to a Jew in his window? Could it be that they for one don't believe in icons and therefore don't claim to know what Moses looked like? Or could it be that they are simply not that fucking stupid?
If I were Jesus, I wouldn't waste my time showing my moms junk to a bunch of believers, I would appear to the people who I was trying to reach and convert.
Come to think of it, I would probably make it a bit more obvious than water a stain on the side of a bridge or a shape in a bowl of oatmeal. And if I had a message, I would just write it instead of leaving my face on the side of everything. Saddam Hussein's image used to appear on the sides of buildings all the time, does this mean Jesus is just an egomaniac dictator who is in love with his own image?


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Oh, and by the way, this is not Jesus either, nor did Jesus want you to vote for him. Jesus was not a Republican he was a Socialist.


“Thou shalt not make to thyself a graven thing, nor the likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or in the earth beneath, nor of those things that are in the waters under the earth.” (Exodus 20: 4)

33 comments:

Jinx said...

Amen.

slayne said...

This is where I blame the media for buying into Christian bullshit. It doesn't bother me one bit that someone thinks the Virgen de Guadalupe is in an oil stain on her driveway or a piece of bread. What does bother me is that the media (local and national) choose to report these stories as ACTUAL NEWS!!

In Chicago, the water stain under the overpass qualifies as news only because the poor, gullible bastards are clogging up traffic. Otherwise, let's hear some more about oh, I don't know, corruption in Congress, Bush's bad SocSec plan, and maybe something else that actually has relevance to our society.

Chicka said...

LOL! I absolutely love it.

I saw Jesus last night in my bedroom, but everyone's got it wrong. His name is pronounced "Hey-zeus". Go figure.

Boiled Owl said...

We have survived a species in no samll part due to our ability to recognise patterns. The images we see in clouds and star patterns are not unlike the examples you are showing here. But at first, we had to be able to see the cave bear in the woods. Strange that the very skills we used to evolve have now turned against us. Tribal superstition is back, bigtime.

erinberry said...

The funny thing about these "sightings" is, no one knows what Mary or Jesus looked liked. So how do they know that's who's in the images??

Toad734 said...

RE: erin
Hence the Marilyn Monroe image. Though I don't know what Mary looked like, I am going to assume that she for one, wasn't a faceless blob, and why can't these apparitions be images of Eleanor Roosevelt, Marilyn Monroe or anyone else who died at any point in time; why jump to the Mary conclusion?

It's like the people who believe in reincarnation, they supposedly go back to these past lives and everyone was always Napoleon or Abe Lincoln, no one was the guy who shoveled horse shit during the plague.

Toad734 said...

UPDATE:

On my way to lunch I accidentally drove by the Mary/Bridge picture above. This was reported over a week ago and there are still police barricades, people burning candles, taking pictures, hanging up Mexican flags with a picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe in the middle and gawking by in traffic.
It really made me wish I had a bunch of water balloons.

And guess what, it looks exactly like a salt run off stain on the side of a wall. And all the people in front of it looked exactly like mindless sheep.

trick said...

Clearly, a lot of these sightings are false or faked, but some of them are actually real - and even have the Holy Roman Catholic Church's Stamp of Authenticity. Straight from our earthly closest source to Almighty God, this is the Highest Certification of All. You think you're just being funny, but your sarcasm is sending you straight to Hell, Toad!

Neemund said...

I think most of those people have overactive imaginations and just want attention. Actually with the 'sightings' and such I hear more about such things happening in Hindu culture with their icons but those never make the 10 o'clock news. People will believe anything that they want to believe; if people want to see Jesus in their grilled cheese sandwich, they will. The Discovery Channel did a pretty good job of debunking the traditional image of Christ a while back and many people thought they were committing blasphemy. For all I know he looks exactly like the Israeli guy who lives down the street from me, I probably wouldn't recognize him in my chili if my life depended on it, not that I generally waste time staring into my chili looking for faces.

Toad734 said...

RE: Neemund

That brings up an interesting point; Exactly what kind of person looks for these things and why, and then why do they exploit the situation and make it into something it is not?

Boiled Owl said...

I suggest reading this book:

The Jesus Mysteries: Was the "Original Jesus" a Pagan God? by Timothy Freke, Peter Gandy

Entertains the idea that there never was such a person as Jesus. (Some say this may be true of Shakespeare as well).

There is a strong possibility that the Jesus story is pure fantasy...myth and metaphor. That would change a lot of things wouldn't it? Neemund's right. People believe what they want to believe. Yes, It's just that simple.

Toad734 said...

I’m not saying I shouldn’t consider the book, but I do believe that there is at least enough hearsay, though very little actual eveidence, to legitimize Jesus' existence.
Now was he just the David Koresh of his time? That is a different story. All, or at least 4 of the 5 gospels, maybe all of them, were written several years after Jesus' death, and typically not scribed by the eye witnesses. That does lend itself to a lot of legend, folklore and embellishment.

One thing I do know is that he isn’t showing up in anyone’s soup.

Jinx said...

Toad - agreed. After all, look at how we view the gods and goddesses of ancient Greece and Rome today. We consider them quaint - a nice attempt to rationalize things they couldn't explain. Who's to say that 2000 years from now, some very enlightened people in the future won't be saying the same thing about Christianity - or maybe all religion?

Boiled Owl said...

As you said, Toad, "people believe what they want to believe." Check out the book, then decide. The Jesus myth is a prime example of revisionist history. So is the flavor of Christianity that is practiced in today's world.
I'm sure you will enjoy the read.

Toad734 said...

RE: Jinx

Im sure they will, I already do.

Sandi said...

I love the fact that most Christians are unaware that thier religion is based on Paganism. Just makes me laugh. The only thing christians did was take out all the good stuff. Women, sex and drinking.

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trick said...

it's so cute, our president and the saudi prince holding hands. they must be really close - w doesn't even do that with tony blair.

BRUISER, come on now, that's a pretty hardcore link to post without some kinda warning for the kiddies that might be reading this blog.

David said...

How come you keep mentioning Christians? All of the people bowing down to these images are practitioners of a particular religion which some people say has something to do with Christianity. All Judeo-Christian religions are emphatically opposed to this kind of crap.

Ashley said...

Why say that, post it on my blog, your 31 and im 15 and you want to pick a fight with me. I won't lie it makes me wonder what kind of person you are. I'm going to say something that you've heard before, if you don't like it don't read it? I mean Emo? Labels? Why stoop so low, the internet is big...find someone your own age to pick on because i frankly don't need and don't think that i deserve it from a complete stranger

Voix said...

I think random religious-themed sightings are about the same as random UFO sightings or Elvis sightings or any other kind of "you'll never believe this, but..." experiences. Hence publications like the Weekly World News, one of my favorite guilty pleasures.

The people who are seeing Jesus and Mary happen to be Catholic, so what? The Catholic tradition leaves room for miracles and I think when people are feeling lost and looking for miracles, they search deeply into the tradition they have and try to find answers or inspiration. Sure it is a stretch, sure it is a little ridiculous and easy to sensationalize. But is it any different than seeing another "unexplainable phenomenon?" I think it is ridiculous that someone can see a blob and think it is divine intervention, and I also think it is sad. And I think it says a lot more about the person making the claim and the media who wishes to exploit it than it does about the faith tradition that it springs from.

As far as whether or not Jesus existed or is a myth/metaphor - I say choose whichever theory works for you. There is enough room in the world for each of us to have the religious belief that works for us. Let's speak out against intolerance - it is really easy to point fingers and say, "That guy is wrong." Most fundamentalist Christians give me the willies and I don't accept their bigotry. But being bigoted against them doesn't make the situation any better, either.

And I think Ashley is a little bit sensitive. Sorry honey, a blog is a public thing and you've got to grow a thick skin if you want to play in grown up land. Not to say that I want a bunch of flaming comments on my blog, either. But really, that one wasn't so bad... *grin*

April said...

Our own human nature demands that our deepest desires be fulfilled. And because of this we go out and we buy ideas and objects and relationships to feed the hunger that drives our lives. Who are we to judge those who reach for the bottle, or religion, or pornography, or who cling too closely to a relationship, or sacrifice everything good for power and money? We are all hungry and we are all searching for truth. Your stereotype of Christians is that they are mindless, too easily convinced, overly zealous. And looking at such events as you have highlighted, I would almost agree. But here is what I see...I see people who want desperately to put a finger on the feeling that there is more to life than what they see. I see people who are seeking an explanation to their deepest desires. You are searching too, but in different ways...ways in which Christians in turn might disagree with you. And so what? Believe what you want to believe...you're not going to change the mind of a Christian. No matter what side you are on, the fact remains, there is truth to be had. And the question is..Who will find it?

Toad734 said...

RE: David

Nothing to do with Christianity? For 100s of years Catholicism was the one and only Christianity.

RE: April

I would say the same of weak minded people who grab for a bottle, or a needle, religion, power or pornography and especially money, to solve their problems, Hell W is guilty of at least 4 of those.

I wish the world worked as you said "believe what you want to believe, you are not going to change minds", that is exactly why I started this blog; I wanted the Christian right, to allow me to live my life the way I want to without having to abide my their ethics, "morals", and laws. The problem is they are unwilling to do that, that is precisely what I am trying to expose here, the most intolerant people in the world, turn around and call me/us intolerant for not agreeing with them and bowing down to their Jesus. This latest post, although an small and isolated segment of the Christian population, is just more proof of how delusional they are, and how little proof they need to support their beliefs and how ridiculous it all is.

dusty said...

Ah toad..i laughed my ass off whilst reading your current posting on the virgin mary images..i agree the potato chip looks like MM...the christian right has always drove me up a fucking wall and it doesnt help that my brother, a former tweeker is now a bible banging jackass..he substituted one for the other..and he has the nads to jerk my chain about coming to jesus..jesus knows where to find me, i havent been hiding..but i digress..anyways..thanks for the good read..oh..btw..the ten best/worse cities bullshit was taken from a "Men's Health" Magazine thingy that used statistics based on sales for GET THIS: ANTI-DEPRESSANTS!..how friggin stupid is that i ask you? anyways..you asked..have a great day dude!

indygirl said...

Ha ha! I can't believe you pulled out the ol' wooden womb.

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RedNeck said...

I could swear I see Mary in the blue background behind GW... we all know he's got an angel lookin' over him now don't we? ;)

Boiled Owl said...

I think W's guardian used to be an angel RedNeck but he got his butt whipped by Michael and had to go find new digs. I think they call him "Ol' Sparky" these days, but his given name was Lucifer.

Nölff said...

That watermark on the bridge in Chicago was crazy. I saw it on the news. How tarded do you have to be? Have you ever heard of Bob Jones University? I live in the same city. They'll preach to you if you go downtown. Crazy people.

Toad734 said...

I don't think I would want to go to a University named after a dude. Especially a dude named Bob Jones.

Where would this be?

Should have posted it on my map!

Joe Wiess said...

People see what they want to see. What you didn't mention is that most of those seeing the virgin Mary are Catholics, who need to believe in hope.

I, myself, see the creator in every blade of grass, every leaf, every cloud in the sky, and every star that burns bright.

Am I as crazy as those who see it in toast?

Maybe.

But it gives me comfort and inspires me to reach out to others.

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