Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Mock God, Reap His Vengeance

Moral Majority leader Falwell dies

Jerry Falwell, who has had a history of heart problems due to fact that he was a disgusting fat body, was found dead today shortly after breakfast. God has finally decided to punish Falwell for his life of gluttony and his complete defiance of God's will. Sure, he didn't sleep with men but gluttony is just as much of a sin as anything else.

Scriptures Jerry Falwell apparently failed to read:

Psalms 78:30
They were not estranged from their lust. But while their meat was yet in their mouths,
31The wrath of God came upon them, and slew the fattest of them, and smote down the chosen men of Israel.

Proverbs 23:2
And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite.

Proverbs 23:21
For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags

Proverbs 25:16
Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.

Phillipians 3:19
Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things

Philippians 4:5
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand

1 Corinthians 6:19
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

1 Corintians 10:31
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God

James 4:
2Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
4Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

Ezekiel 16:49
Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.
And just think, you thought Sodom was destroyed because of homos.

Deuteronomy 21:
20And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
22And if a man have committed a sin worthy of death, and he be to be put to death, and thou hang him on a tree

Southern Baptists, in particular, have the highest rates of obesity at 27%. Other Protestant denominations like the Church of Christ, Pentacostals and Church of God come in at 22%. Obesity for Jews is at about 1% and Islam, Buddhism (ironically) and Hindus all have obesity rates under 1% according to a Purdue University study.

A look back on some of Falwells greatest hits:

On 9/11
"The abortionist’s have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say: you helped this happen."

On Feminism:
"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals... These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men; that's their problem."

On Separation of Church and State and his tax exempt status:
“It is the responsibility of...every evangelical Christian...to get serious about re-electing President Bush."

“The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil(apparently meaning Thomas Jefferson) to keep Christians from running their own country.”

On AIDS and the fact that the majority of AIDS victims are heterosexual:
“AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharoah's chariotters.”

On other religions:
"I think Muhammad was a terrorist. I read enough of the history of his life written by both Muslims and - non-Muslims, (to know) that he was a -- a violent man, a man of war."
I guess I'm not really going to dispute that, but it almost makes this whole thing a big religious war doesn't it.

On the Teletubbies:
"He is purple -- the gay-pride color, "and his antenna is shaped like a triangle-- the gay pride symbol." "These subtle depictions are no doubt intentional and parents are warned to be alert to these elements of the series."

On how well Religious schools have worked in Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia:
"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!"

On Jews:
“Is the Antichrist alive and here today?""because when he appears during theribulation period he will be a full-grown counterfeit of Christ. Of course he'll be Jewish."

On community relations and compassion for others points of view:
“And we're going to invite PETA [to "Wild Game Night"] as our special guest, P-E-T-A -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. We want you to come, we're going to give you a top seat there, so you can sit there and suffer. This is one of my special groups, another one's the ACLU, another is the NOW – the National Order of Witches [sic]. We've got -- I've got a lot of special groups.”


Nölff said...

I hope he doesn't have a month long funeral like Gerald Ford.

Dora said...

Right?! What a guy. He personally insulted large swaths of Americans, and now his supporters want us to be all nice and respectful to him! LOL

NewsBlog 5000 said...

Sort of a religious Tony Clifton.

Mike V. said...

I'm loving all the love that fat slob is getting around the internets. meaning just about zero.

repsac3 said...

While I'm sure it's a very sad time for his family & friends, it's good news for the rest of the world. It's never pretty when hate & religion get mixed into the same oily black soul.

elizabeth said...

talk about hate. seems hypocrtical to me to say that falwell was full of hate when this blog seems full of hate for him?
just an observation