Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Atheist Guide to 2012
I think Obama probably believes in God and loosely calls himself a Christian but isn't at all serious about it...Unlike the Bachmanns and Perrys who think God speaks to them or wears magic underwear...So as an Atheist, Obama is the clear choice. As any free thinking, educated, liberal person who isn't a billionaire or a military contractor or oil company...Obama would still be the obvious choice between the jokers on the other side.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Top Ten Signs You Are A Fundamentalist Christian
I didn't write this but found it rather amusing:
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Mock God, Reap His Vengeance
From MSNBC:
Moral Majority leader Falwell dies
Jerry Falwell, who has had a history of heart problems due to fact that he was a disgusting fat body, was found dead today shortly after breakfast. God has finally decided to punish Falwell for his life of gluttony and his complete defiance of God's will. Sure, he didn't sleep with men but gluttony is just as much of a sin as anything else.
Scriptures Jerry Falwell apparently failed to read:
Psalms 78:30
They were not estranged from their lust. But while their meat was yet in their mouths,
31The wrath of God came upon them, and slew the fattest of them, and smote down the chosen men of Israel.
Proverbs 23:2
And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite.
Proverbs 23:21
For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags
Proverbs 25:16
Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.
Phillipians 3:19
Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things
Philippians 4:5
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand
1 Corinthians 6:19
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
1 Corintians 10:31
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God
James 4:
2Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
4Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
Ezekiel 16:49
Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.
And just think, you thought Sodom was destroyed because of homos.
Deuteronomy 21:
20And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
22And if a man have committed a sin worthy of death, and he be to be put to death, and thou hang him on a tree
Southern Baptists, in particular, have the highest rates of obesity at 27%. Other Protestant denominations like the Church of Christ, Pentacostals and Church of God come in at 22%. Obesity for Jews is at about 1% and Islam, Buddhism (ironically) and Hindus all have obesity rates under 1% according to a Purdue University study.
A look back on some of Falwells greatest hits:
On 9/11
"The abortionist’s have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say: you helped this happen."
On Feminism:
"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals... These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men; that's their problem."
On Separation of Church and State and his tax exempt status:
“It is the responsibility of...every evangelical Christian...to get serious about re-electing President Bush."
“The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil(apparently meaning Thomas Jefferson) to keep Christians from running their own country.”
On AIDS and the fact that the majority of AIDS victims are heterosexual:
“AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharoah's chariotters.”
On other religions:
"I think Muhammad was a terrorist. I read enough of the history of his life written by both Muslims and - non-Muslims, (to know) that he was a -- a violent man, a man of war."
I guess I'm not really going to dispute that, but it almost makes this whole thing a big religious war doesn't it.
On the Teletubbies:
"He is purple -- the gay-pride color, "and his antenna is shaped like a triangle-- the gay pride symbol." "These subtle depictions are no doubt intentional and parents are warned to be alert to these elements of the series."
On how well Religious schools have worked in Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia:
"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!"
On Jews:
“Is the Antichrist alive and here today?""because when he appears during theribulation period he will be a full-grown counterfeit of Christ. Of course he'll be Jewish."
On community relations and compassion for others points of view:
“And we're going to invite PETA [to "Wild Game Night"] as our special guest, P-E-T-A -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. We want you to come, we're going to give you a top seat there, so you can sit there and suffer. This is one of my special groups, another one's the ACLU, another is the NOW – the National Order of Witches [sic]. We've got -- I've got a lot of special groups.”
Moral Majority leader Falwell dies
Jerry Falwell, who has had a history of heart problems due to fact that he was a disgusting fat body, was found dead today shortly after breakfast. God has finally decided to punish Falwell for his life of gluttony and his complete defiance of God's will. Sure, he didn't sleep with men but gluttony is just as much of a sin as anything else.
Scriptures Jerry Falwell apparently failed to read:
Psalms 78:30
They were not estranged from their lust. But while their meat was yet in their mouths,
31The wrath of God came upon them, and slew the fattest of them, and smote down the chosen men of Israel.
Proverbs 23:2
And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite.
Proverbs 23:21
For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags
Proverbs 25:16
Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.
Phillipians 3:19
Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things
Philippians 4:5
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand
1 Corinthians 6:19
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
1 Corintians 10:31
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God
James 4:
2Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
4Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
Ezekiel 16:49
Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.
And just think, you thought Sodom was destroyed because of homos.
Deuteronomy 21:
20And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
22And if a man have committed a sin worthy of death, and he be to be put to death, and thou hang him on a tree
Southern Baptists, in particular, have the highest rates of obesity at 27%. Other Protestant denominations like the Church of Christ, Pentacostals and Church of God come in at 22%. Obesity for Jews is at about 1% and Islam, Buddhism (ironically) and Hindus all have obesity rates under 1% according to a Purdue University study.
A look back on some of Falwells greatest hits:
On 9/11
"The abortionist’s have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say: you helped this happen."
On Feminism:
"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals... These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men; that's their problem."
On Separation of Church and State and his tax exempt status:
“It is the responsibility of...every evangelical Christian...to get serious about re-electing President Bush."
“The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil(apparently meaning Thomas Jefferson) to keep Christians from running their own country.”
On AIDS and the fact that the majority of AIDS victims are heterosexual:
“AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharoah's chariotters.”
On other religions:
"I think Muhammad was a terrorist. I read enough of the history of his life written by both Muslims and - non-Muslims, (to know) that he was a -- a violent man, a man of war."
I guess I'm not really going to dispute that, but it almost makes this whole thing a big religious war doesn't it.
On the Teletubbies:
"He is purple -- the gay-pride color, "and his antenna is shaped like a triangle-- the gay pride symbol." "These subtle depictions are no doubt intentional and parents are warned to be alert to these elements of the series."
On how well Religious schools have worked in Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia:
"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!"
On Jews:
“Is the Antichrist alive and here today?""because when he appears during theribulation period he will be a full-grown counterfeit of Christ. Of course he'll be Jewish."
On community relations and compassion for others points of view:
“And we're going to invite PETA [to "Wild Game Night"] as our special guest, P-E-T-A -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. We want you to come, we're going to give you a top seat there, so you can sit there and suffer. This is one of my special groups, another one's the ACLU, another is the NOW – the National Order of Witches [sic]. We've got -- I've got a lot of special groups.”
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