Thursday, January 13, 2005

The Bottom of the Evolutionary Ladder

There was a theory back in the late 1800s that tried to link criminal behavior with physical traits. This theory pretty much stated that if you didn’t look like a member of the royal family then you were probably a criminal. It was believed that the more you looked like an ape, animal or Neanderthal, the more likely you were to have a lower brain function and resort to crime, in other words if you were a low brow, then you were probably a rapist. This manifested itself somewhat in the Jack the Ripper case, a common belief was that a Jew must be responsible for this type of crime because their noses didn’t look like English noses or what ever, and that an Englishman would never commit such a crime. This theory was eventually laughed off, until I stumbled across the Chicago sex offenders website. Once I started pulling up these guys pictures I started thinking that maybe that old theory of physical attributes being linked to crime isn’t such a stretch after all.
All you have to do is take one look at these guys and realize that they were never going to become President, Mayor, CEOs, or millionaires, no, their potential has already been reached, this is it, this is the top of their game. Talk about finishing last in the human race.
And without further ado; here they are:

If you are going to the police station to get your sex offender picture taken, try not to look like an actual rapist, you wife beater wearing mullet!

"You can' t rape the willing, that's why I am a rapist."
What is he looking at anyway?


Mullet+Balding+Facial Hair=Pedophile

I think the mark on his head is from when he and his twin were separated at birth, the twin got the brains and lived, this guy...Not so much.

Neanderthal! Here it is, the proof of evolution.

Yet another link in the evolutionary chain, can you say low brow?

Hi Everybody, Harry Caray is a pedder ass!

Looks like that Willie Horton photo.

David Berkowitz's Brother

Hey Tyrone, If you don't have the self control to stand still for more than 3 seconds for a photo, how are you going to have the self control to keep your dick out of 8 year olds?

Leather Daddy! Whats that growth behind his ears? Does he have a starter mullet?

This guy just got beat by the ugly stick, plain and simple.

I wouldn't even let this guy walk my dog, for fear of what he might try to do.

I'll bet this guy has tight rolled jeans.

Did this guy actually bring his bull whip with him to the police station?

"Dude, meet me at the middle school around three, we'll pick up chicks."

"I'll suck it for a hit of Oxy Contin!"
Oops how did this last one get in here?

This guy is not on the Chicago sex offenders list but somewhere in Ohio. Here is his actual picture from the sex offenders site. He truly does take the cake:
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Neemund said...

I like Oxy Contin. My dentist wrote me a prescription for it once. Even on the drugs issue, Rush is right! But on another note, I really wouldn’t consider Neanderthal to be an insult. This is because the Neanderthal skulls that have been found have the largest average brain cavity of any known species on the planet, at about 8% larger than the average adult homo-sapien. At least that’s what they said on the Science Channel a few weeks ago.

But anyway, the dudes inmost of those pictures just look messed up in the head.

Two Minutes J said...

Hah, yea oxys are great, that led me straight to shooting heroin. oh and let me tell you how fun that shit was. i think the part i liked the most was living out of my car and having to dig thru dumpsters for old needles. oh good times. but hey, at least im not a sex offender,......or am I?

Neemund said...

I really don't enjoy anything that messes with my brain or alters my senses in a negative way. That reminds me of a quote from Billy Mack from the movie Love Actually: "Kids, don't buy drugs!"

Alexis said...

I think Tyrone Biggum's photo was by far the best - got him in mid-junkie scratch - really a work of art.
I used to go to school in Lynchburg, VA. Home of Mr. Falwells' "school" - he called us "The Whores on the HIll" - yep, cool guy.

Toad734 said...

He does look like Tyrone Biggum!If he had the hat on he would almost pass.

Samus said...

Starter mullet. HAHAHA.

Anonymous said...

The guy with the 'bull whip' (3rd from the bottom) is clearly blind you insensitive hypocrite!

Toad734 said...

How am I a hypocrite? I am neither blind, or a rapist.

Clive Dangerously said...

He may have been attempting to say moron, which would make him a hypocrite, so he didn't say it.