Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Lesson 2 On How Not to Get Shot by the Police or Authorities

From Chicago Tribune Aug, 9th:
Boy's shooting angers crowd
Cabrini-Green neighbors protest police action, tell of the frustration of gentrification

Cry me a river. The other day Cabrini Green Public Housing residents protested the shooting of an armed robbery suspect who refused to drop his weapon. Ok, so the weapon happened to be a BB gun that looked like a .45 caliber handgun and the suspect happened to be a 14 year old boy.

There was no way the police could know that the gun was a BB gun or that the boy was only 14 years old. Neither of these really matter if you ask me. First of all, it doesn't matter how old you are if you are pointing a gun at someone you are likely to get shot. Second, BB guns are also illegal in the city of Chicago for this very reason and even BB guns can harm or maim another person. Third, what the hell does gentrification have to do with anything?

Gentrification sucks for people whose property taxes skyrocket over a years time and they have to move out to make way for yuppies and their Starbucks laden strip malls but we are talking about people who live in public housing. This means they either have a fixed rent of let’s say $40 per month or they pay nothing at all. If someone is going to give you next to nothing housing don't bitch about it when they say you have to live somewhere else for free. Beggars can't be choosers. So let's just drop the whole gentrification frustrations for now.

If you do not want to get shot by the police, adhere to the following rules:

1.Don't carry illegal weapons such as handguns or BB guns
2.If you do carry one of these weapons and a cop tells you to drop it then do it
3.Don't point your BB gun or any other type of a gun at a cop who is pointing his gun at you
4.Don't commit cribes such as robbing someone at gunpoint, even if it's with a BB gun
5.Don't commit crimes 60 feet away from a brand new police station
6.Don't commit crimes underneath or in the view of CPD surveillance cameras
7.Instead of standing on the corner robbing people, hang out at the library which is a block away and air conditioned
8.If you live in a crime ridden housing project and think cops are racist, don't do things that make them want to shoot you such as robbing people and pointing guns at them.
9. Choose someone positive as a role model; don't choose Tu Pac or 50 cent as they also got shot
10.Parents, don't buy your kids guns and don't raise them to be someone who robs little kids

Most importantly: DON'T BRING A TOY TO A GUN FIGHT!

Neither being 14, complaining about having to move away from your free housing or carrying weapons, will ever keep you from getting shot from the cops; my rules however, will.

The kid is still alive and when he comes out of it I can assure you he will tell you the same things I am telling you. I'll bet the next time a cop tells him to drop his weapon he does it. So there is some silver lining to all this as I am sure he has learned his lesson. I too have learned a lesson; a lesson in Darwinism.

There is no charge for this consultation. I hope it has been helpful and will keep you and your kids from getting shot by the police.

10 comments:

Thrasher said...

Hahaha good stuff. I'll make sure to remember these rules next time I feel the urge to rob people at BB-gunpoint...

Toad734 said...

Hey, these rules have kept me bullet-free for 32 years. I must be doing something right.

Nölff said...

Natural selection. If he was alive he would probably make dumb children like himself.

Toad734 said...

Maybe he got shot in the balls and will be unable to procreate.

laurzeilei said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
laurzeilei said...

Thank you. My life has been spared as a result of your free consultation. I took the BB gun out of my purse before stealing a bike and riding to Amscot to cash my welfare check and food stamps, which I will happily spend on market fresh lobster, thick cut bacon and cordial cherries. I made my daughter give up her GAT too.

Enjoy your Oscar Mayer weiners store brand cola.

Grant said...

Surely an edjumacated man such as yourself is aware of the term "Urban Survival Syndrome." The boy was just a victim of our unjust society, and should sue somebody over his predicament. Cops are notoriously poor, so I recommend going after the manufacturer of the BB gun. Also Bill Gates is rich, and I don't remember seeing a warning label on Windows XP that specifically says it's a bad idea to rob people and wave guns at the police, so he's responsible as well.

Toad734 said...

Youre right. He should have never been able to buy a BB gun that looked like a real gun. But wait...If it didn't look like a real gun how would he have been able to rob someone.

Ill bet if he tried to rob someone with a plastic, yellow BB gun the guy would have just laughed at him and beat his ass and then he would have sued the manufacturer for making such and obviously fake gun that earned him a beat down.

NewsBlog 5000 said...

Youre right. He should have never been able to buy a BB gun that looked like a real gun. But wait...If it didn't look like a real gun how would he have been able to rob someone.

This is what is known as a "Catch-BB".

John Q. Public esq. said...

very good points...

JQP