Wednesday, November 25, 2009
The Christian Side Hug
#106. The side hug.
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"Yes, God wants us to be compassionate and kind and tender with each other. Not only that, but he wants us to love our enemies and serve our neighbors. As long as there is no body on body action. I’m talking of course about a “full frontal hug,” one of those sinful abominations where you just wrap your arms around a friend and embrace them. That’s why Christians the world over have pioneered the “side hug.” In the side hug there’s no risk of two crotches touching. Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their’s. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you’re taking a photo and you’re both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy. I don’t know the exact scripture reference but try the book of Psalms."
Wow, these poor kids are being brain washed in thinking that not only does being gay make the baby Jesus cry but that Jesus was also against hugging (but not dancing on stage like a whigger, hoochie whore). Look, if you get a boner from a hug, you do need to get laid, badly. Sorry, but things happen to the human body at certain ages for a reason. There is only so much denying it you can do. I'm not advocating 14 year olds having sex, I mean I think I waited until I was 16 but things happen at that age and that's just the way it is. So are you allowed to give your Mom full frontal hugs???Grandmas?? Or is it ok for immediate family?? I think we should all just live in bubbles...That way we will be sure not to offend Jesus.
Look, even if Jesus didn't want you to have sex before you were married then he shouldn't have intelligently designed you to be ready for and crave sex and be capable of making babies when you turned 15. Oh, wait, ya, when Jesus was around most people got married in their teens. Hmm, well that made waiting a little easier didn't it? Wow, what a difference context makes. Too bad other people can't apply context to what was written in the Bible.
Even though Sarah Palin can tell you that abstinence doesn't work, the good thing about this is that if these kids aren't having sex, then we can rest assured that they aren't reproducing. The problem is these idiots are the ones who vote...when they are old enough.