Tired of Sex in the Media? Stop Reading the Bible!

The next time you hear someone bitch about condoms being advertised on MTV or some shitty Fox show called "Who Wants to Bang My Dad" and they talk about how things like this should be censored, remind them that if they want to start censoring sexual innuendos out of the media they can't pick and choose what they censor and must censor every thing.

I would like to remind people that the Bible contains as much sex, much more violence and displays more intolerance than most Hollywood blockbusters and nearly all network television shows and even rap music. When I speak of sex, violence, disrespect of women and praises to God, am I talking about a rap video or the Bible?

At least TV shows only imply that someone is about to have pre-marital sex, they don't actually show it or describe the fluids which were transferred. Yes, maybe some network shows don't teach children that they should hate gay people and some of them even depict gay people as people but it's nothing the Bible hasn't already described. Some TV shows depict unfaithful spouses screwing their neighbors but neither of the latter are anything that was new to someone in the Bible such as David.

I have compiled a list of sexual encounters and innuendos in the Bible which, if on TV, most Christians today would like to see banned and censored.

Genesis 38:9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother.

When was the last time fluid transfer was visualized on MTV?

II Samuel 11:2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then [a] she went back home.

Makes Desperate Housewives not seem so desperate anymore doesn't it? And before you say David was punished for this by the death of his son, I want to point out that Solomon was also his son and ruled Israel and it was his descendents that later spawned Jesus. That sounds more like a reward than a punishment.

Genesis 19:4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them."

Maybe this would work on prime time but I haven't seen it yet.

Genesis 19:8 Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them.

If a book or a show came out today that depicted a father offering his daughters to a horny mob there would be an outrage and American Family Association would be in the streets burning TV guides and calling for boycotts.

Genesis 19:33 that night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and lay with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. 34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, "Last night I lay with my father. Let's get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and lie with him so we can preserve our family line through our father." 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went and lay with him.

When incest is the subject of the new episode of the OC I will shut up and go home.

Leviticus 15:1 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, 2 "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'When any man has a bodily discharge, the discharge is unclean. 3 Whether it continues flowing from his body or is blocked, it will make him unclean.

Cum play? Are you kidding? That isn't even on the Playboy channel.

I Samuel 18:4: And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.

Ok, so now we are getting into Alexander and Broke Back territory.

1 Samuel 18:21: Saul thought, "Let me give her to him, that she may be a snare for him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him." Therefore Saul said to David a second time, "You shall now be my son-in-law."

So, not only is David a polygamist but one of the people he is married to is a man and is now marrying that mans sister. You couldn't find this scenario on the Jerry Springer show if you watched it for 2 years straight.

II Samuel 1:26: I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathon: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.

I have already addressed this; David loved Jonathon more than his own wife, which just happened to be Jonathan’s sister. Kinky.

II Samuel 13:12 And she (Tamar) answered him (Absalom), Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.
13 And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? And as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. 14 Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.

Ok, some R rated movies show rape but other than that you won’t find it on an episode of the Simpson’s.

Imagine what I could find if I referenced all the bigotry, hate, racism, sexism and violence in the Bible.