Thursday, December 08, 2005

How Not to Get Shot by Air Marshals

CNN's Anderson Cooper, is going to run a segment tonight asking, "could the shooting have been avoided?", yes of course it could have; here is how:

How to avoid being shot by an air marshal:

1. Don't run towards a bunch of air marshals holding guns while screaming that you have a bomb in your bag.

2. If you are a vaguely foreign looking guy with an accent and you are arriving to the US from another country, don't run towards a bunch of air marshals holding guns while screaming that you have a bomb in your bag.

3. Don't say anything about a bomb on a plane.

4. When a guy with a gun tells you to drop your bag, drop your bag.

5. If you have already declared that you have a bomb, don't reach into the aforementioned bag after you have been told to drop it by guys who are pointing guns at you.

6. Don't strap the above mentioned bag to your stomach like a suicide bomber would do if you don't really plan on blowing yourself up.

7. If your husband is the kind of nut who gets erratic and violent, don't put him on a plane without his medication.

8. Don't even get on an international flight until you have purchased your above mentioned medication if that will cause you or your husband freak out and talk about blowing up planes.

9. Don't marry a crazy person.

10. Just drive to Orlando.


Being a nut doesn't mean you get a free pass to do any of these things. I would also like to point out that most people who blow themselves up are indeed crazy. So, his wife saying that he is crazy is even more of a reason to shoot him if he says he has a bomb.

23 comments:

Karenpuppy said...

There is a larger issue here. Nowadays most international flights don't offer complimentary alcoholic beverages. Boo! This man probably couldn't afford to self-medicate with booze. Let's hope the airline industry will soon change its tune.

Toad734 said...

Really? Fuck that shit! How can you take a 9 hour flight without liquor?

Nölff said...

Loratabs - they make me happy

I don't think anybody has any remorse over that whole ordeal except for the guy's wife. If someones going to be that stupid they need it.

It's kind of like Darwin's theory of natural selection. He was probably defective anyway.

kcwwsedd

Donald Rumsfeld said...

Bomb. Bombitty bomb bomb bomb. Ta Da Bomb. Bah Bah Bomb. Bomb'em. Boomstick Bombitty Bo Bo Bomb. Kah! Plewee!! Blows 'em up real good.

And I still fly...

Two Minutes J said...

Actually, most Suicide Bombers are incredibly sane and college educated. You're just buying into the media-hype that portrays them as "crazy-mass murderers". Indeed, they are mass-murderers, but a lot of them are not crazy. However, this guy on the plane, yea I think he was nucking futs.

Two Minutes J said...

Radical Islam and things of that nature, was what I was referring to. They view what they do as completely normal and sane. Maybe it is? Maybe us Ethno-centric Americans are the ones who are wrong?....No, No, that couldn't possibly be it! We're always right.

Toad734 said...

We are right about this one, yes they are college educated; so was the unibomber, doesnt mean they arent nuts.

Mike V. said...

Toad and Karen:
Flying
Without
Booze
IS
NOT
RIGHT!
:P

Boiled Owl said...

Did you see the footage where they blew up his bag?
Kind of sad really. The whole thing reminds me of the novel "The Stranger" by Albert Camus. It was just one of those goddam days, you know?

Mike V. said...

I have yet to forgive a weirdo English prof. of mine in college for making us read The Stranger.

Two Minutes J said...

The Stranger (L'Etrange?), was pretty good. A little too much of the pessimistic existentialism for me though.

NewsBlog 5000 said...

Admittedly, this a pretty messed up situation. But, I wonder if there's another side to this story, like the guy they capped in the London subway. If there is one in this case, I don't think we'll ever hear it.

Dr. Van Skleeve said...

Even if there is another side to this story, the way I see it, if the police or air marshalls tell you to "freeze" or whatever...DO IT!

First of all, I'm not a fan of the police state mentality, but I'm also not a fan of massive, innocent civilian deaths. Also, if you're not really doing anything wrong, then you really don't have anything to worry about. I'm not saying these guys (London subway/Miami airport) deserved to die; but if you claim to have a bomb or are acting REALLY weird in a mass transit area, then you're just askin' for it. These guys probably weren't even close to being legitimate terrorists. In fact, I think it would be more appropriate to classify them in the Darwin Awardarena.

Dr. Van Skleeve said...

Also, I agree: flights without liquor are just plain wrong (unless your a member of the flight crew).

As for Toads' point # 10 (Just drive to Orlando); anyone actually going to Orlando would raise a "red flag" in my book. Trust me, I've been there (not really by choice) and it ain't pretty.

Off the subject, I was randomly cruising the Blog-Sphere and happened upon this Blog and thought that it was worthy of mention. The "page photo' alone makes it worth the visit.

NewsBlog 5000 said...

Perhaps I should elaborate. I am not defending doing any of these things, I am questioning whether or not they happened as we have been told.

If you follow the London shooting, you will find that the man was basically doing nothing wrong. It was a case of mistaken identity. The officers are being considered for criminal charges. Many of the claims made by the officers were untrue & video evidence is supporting that they were untrue. However, this is no longer page one news, so I can see how it was easy to miss.

I have now read two news stories featuring quotes from other passengers in Florida, saying that the word "bomb" was not used and that the man exited the plane quickly and in a panic, but did not run up and down the isle waving his arms. One witness even claimed he had a good view of what went on, and FBI agents tried to convince him he had heard the word "bomb". However, in this case the truth will probably not come out because we don't have video camera coverage they do in London.

The London situation shows it is all too easy to make a fatal mistake. It is more a matter of how you handle it afterwards. The London police let false stories of illegal status, jumping turnstiles, bulky jackets and running from police fly around because it was easier than admitting that officers had made what was probably an honest mistake in a stressful situation.

Dr. Van Skleeve said...

You really didn't need to elaborate, but that's cool. I agree, what we are told and what really happens can be quite different.

Still, freaking out and not heeding a police warning in "sensitive areas" can be a really bad idea (obviously).

Toad734 said...

Not really defending the air marshals or the crazy guy, but some of the passengers said they didn't personally hear the guy say bomb but that doesn't mean that he didn't. The most obvious of all is that if a guy with a gun tells you to do something and you don't do it then you really don't have a leg to stand on if he ends up shooting you, as pointed out, in a sensitive area.

I kind of forgot about that London thing and don't really remember all the details, didn't that guy just not speak English?

If anyone knows how easy it is to make up false news reports it would be Newsblog 5000.

Dr. Van Skleeve said...

Concerning the London incident and the poor fellow that didn't speak or understand the English language very well.

I think that he might have understood some hand gestures and body language of the officers at the scene, but was obviously afraid and fled, which indicates a person trying to hide something to authorities. Hence their reaction in light of the bombings.

On a lighter note (kind of), I can only imagime what the "Tug Boat Capn" would say about all of this. He is a true genius, no?

NewsBlog 5000 said...

If anything like this ever happens to me, I will get down on my knees and put my hand on my head and say in a clear voice, "I am not resisting arrest. I will cooperate in any way possible. I am taking off my backpack."

As far as perspective goes, I think in evaluating what is appropriate you should ask yourself what Jack Bauer would do, and then realize he is a badly written fictional character. And Alice Humbees tells me he is also gay and uses shooting people as a form of compensation for his closeted feelings of inadequacy.

And as far as competency goes, he lost a nuclear missile in the mountains of Eastern Iowa. I did some reaserch on this. There is one mountain in Iowa, Hawkeye Point, it is in the northwestern corner of the state. If Jack ever did find it, he would probably shoot it.

Here is a picture.

Dr. Van Skleeve said...

If anything like this ever happens to me, I will immediatly shit myself and giggle like a little school girl while break dancing on the subway floor. Or not...

I've spent some time in Iowa, and I will tell you that it is a good place to lose just about anything, including your mind.

Toad734 said...

...purple mountain majesties

KEvron said...

educated don't always mean sane. hello?! hanibal lechter? dr. evil? miguelito lovelace?

sheesh....

KEvron

Da Katz & Reni said...

"Puritans in New England outlawed the Christmas celebration. Christmas, The Mass of Christ, was considered to be a Catholic holiday which had nothing to do with the actual birth or birth day of Christ so they therefore outlawed the Pagan traditions of decorating trees and caroling. Since they believed that the Christmas celebration and the birth of Christ was completely separate, Christmas was outlawed in Boston from 1659-1681 and the Colleges in New England didn't even start observing Christmas until about 1847. Christmas was not declared a federal holiday until 1870."

I didn't know that "exactily"
Some of it I did though. Now I still celebrate the birth part and respect those who celebrate the whole holiday... but i agree with not getting so paranoid...

Besides Jesus (Yeshua is closer to the original name his Mama gave him) celebrated Hanukkah... says so in John 10:22.

Sorry... no Christmas tree there. Still I like cedar trees I have one in my back yard and they do stay evergreen as a symbol of hope, but I plan on leaving mine planted firmly in the ground... lot less mess to clean up.)

Well i would say more, but I'm late in starting the Sabbath...

Good night and God Bless you with rest.