Monday, April 25, 2005

Gullible Christians

Lately, there have apparently been a lot of Jesus, Mary the mother of Jesus and also Satan sightings in someone's steamy shower, bowl of corn flakes or as a stain on the side of the wall. Now you may say that this is impossible, and even if it were possible why would the all powerful son of God or Satan for that matter, decide to ambiguously leave a sad looking profile of themselves in some Mexican family's back yard. Since no one knows what either Jesus or Mary looked like, why does everything that looks like the shape of a person get attributed to them? Why when one sees a shape in a pile of dog shit are they convinced that this is an image of Jesus? Why couldn't it be Joseph, Elvis, Stalin, Marilyn Monroe, a guy who used to live next door, or better yet, just a pile of dog shit that took the shape of something that it is not?

The grilled cheese is a prime example of what I am talking about; if this image looks like anybody it's Marilyn Monroe, not Mary the mother of Jesus:
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Here are some other photos that claim to be, but are not, images of Satan, Jesus or Mary:

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This was actually reported in the news. Idiots!

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So if this is supposed to me Mary, why doesn't it look like the same person in the grilled cheese? To me it looks like one of the aliens from Close Encounters.

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Come on now, we all know this is just a lost Picasso painting.

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Courtesy of my home town.

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Yes, I admit the guy on the cross does look like Jesus, but they are talking about the light refraction in the window.

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This just looks like someone got done taking a shower, It looks more like a bowling Pin or a Penguin than anything else.

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It looks like the figure from burning man, If that is what Jesus looked like, no one would have followed him, he looks like a wuss!

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No this just isn't a turtle with markings that resemble a goat, it's Satan.

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This is supposedly both Jesus and his cross, now crosses have souls and can appear as apparitions too.

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So I guess this would be the virgin womb that gave birth to the wooden baby Jesus.

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Holy shit! It's a miracle, I spilled some water on the floor and Jesus is trying to tell me that he was on a cross once, or something.

The latter is the only image that wasn't reported by the media. So not only do people think that God is talking to them, but they actually convince a news team to come out and photograph it.

Another point that needs to be brought up is why does this only happen to Christians, mainly Catholics with Spanish or Italian last names, but never Jews or Muslims? When was the last time Moses appeared to a Jew in his window? Could it be that they for one don't believe in icons and therefore don't claim to know what Moses looked like? Or could it be that they are simply not that fucking stupid?
If I were Jesus, I wouldn't waste my time showing my moms junk to a bunch of believers, I would appear to the people who I was trying to reach and convert.
Come to think of it, I would probably make it a bit more obvious than water a stain on the side of a bridge or a shape in a bowl of oatmeal. And if I had a message, I would just write it instead of leaving my face on the side of everything. Saddam Hussein's image used to appear on the sides of buildings all the time, does this mean Jesus is just an egomaniac dictator who is in love with his own image?

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Oh, and by the way, this is not Jesus either, nor did Jesus want you to vote for him. Jesus was not a Republican he was a Socialist.

“Thou shalt not make to thyself a graven thing, nor the likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or in the earth beneath, nor of those things that are in the waters under the earth.” (Exodus 20: 4)

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

A Letter From Barack Obama

I recently wrote a letter through Government Guide to my US Rep Janice Schakowsky and Senator Barack Obama concerning the drilling in ANWR. I just wanted to express my view that there was really only about a year and a halves worth of oil up there and that it wasn't worth the risk of another Valdez type disaster. I went on to state the obvious that the real problem isn't dependence on foreign oil, but dependence on oil.
The response I got back from Schakowsky seemed to be your typical cookie cutter response that was tailored to the subject but addressed nothing specifically.
I then got a letter back from Obama that actually looks like it was typed up as a direct response to my letter. Although I doubt it was he who actually typed it, it does appear that someone actually put some personal effort into it, and didn't send out the prewritten response that you would expect.

I may be wrong, but I still like what he has to say. He's got my next vote.

Dear John:
Thank you for writing to convey your concern about the future of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR). I appreciate reading your comments on this important issue.
I agree that drilling in ANWR is not the answer to solving our countries energy problems and believe our country needs a more balanced national energy policy that promotes conservation and the development of renewable energy sources. Specifically, I support increasing the fuel efficiency standards for automobiles, promoting the use of biodiesel and ethanol and creating incentives for private companies to explore the possibilities of other forms of renewable energy. By relying more on energy conservation and shifting our countries goals toward exploring and expanding viable sources of renewable energy, we can develop a more sound energy policy that also preserves our planets natural resources.
I am particularly troubled by the tactic of the proponents of drilling in ANWR to include this authority in the annual congressional budget resolution that is not subject to filibuster. I voted to remove the ANWR provision from the budget resolution, but unfortunately that effort was defeated by a vote of 49 to 51. I can assure you, however, that this fight is not over, and it is my hope that in the final analysis we will be able to reverse this ill-advised action.It is unfortunate that the past Congress failed to reach agreement on a common sense, balanced and comprehensive energy bill. I look forward to debating this critical issue as the 109th session of Congress continues.
Barack Obama
United States Senator

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Top 25 Songs of all Time

I just responded to a post on another web-site that was asking what songs you would put on your Ipod if you were going to be stranded on an island for the rest of your life, AKA what songs are brilliant and move you in one way or another, and I came up with a list of the top 25, in no particular order:
The Clash - Straight to Hell
The Pogues - Fairy Tale of New York / Sick Bed of Culchallan tie
Modest Mouse - Trailer Trash or Third Planet
Pink Floyd - The entire Wall Album (cheated)
Queen - Under Pressure
Quicksand - Landmine Spring
Jets to Brazil - Rocket Boy (Personal,must hear)
Ben E. King - Stand By Me
Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees
Red House Painters - Drop
Samiam - Capsized
Thrice - Artist in the Ambulance (Lyrics/personal)
Louis Armstrong - Wonderful World
Sunny Day Real Estate - Iscarabaid
Johnny Cash - Long Black Vail
Bob Dylan - 7 Curses
Bad Religion - Anesthesia
Neurosis - Lost
Tom Waits - Black Wings
The Stones - Paint it Black
The Byrds - Turn Turn Turn
Public Enemy - Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos
Aerosmith - Dream On
Hank Williams Jr. - Country Boy Can Survive
The Pixies - Where is my Mind

Ok, I don't have any Beatles, so sue me.

What are your top 25? Don't forget about The Police!

Monday, April 18, 2005

Populate my Map

I could write a post on how Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, who is a doctor, thinks that sweat and saliva can transmit HIV. I could also write a post about how House Majority Leader Tom Delay has a list of ethics violations so long that it would make Nixon blush, at the same time sucking off conservatives making them think he stands on some moral high ground. Delay has also wasted an unprecedented amount of time and energy violating the constitution in order to keep one lady alive, but is the same guy who made the decision to withhold his father’s dialysis when he suffered brain damage in 1988, thus allowing him to die and exposing the extent of his hypocritical nature.

I could write about all of those things but I really just wanted to let everyone know that I now have this cool guest map that I want everyone to fill out. It's a good promotional tool for your own site and let's me know who is reading my blog and where they are from.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Good Gun Logic

From cnn 4/5/05 8:04pm est:
TALLAHASSEE, Florida (AP) -- Gov. Jeb Bush said Tuesday he intends to sign a bill that would allow people who feel threatened -- even on the street or at a baseball game -- to "meet force with force" and defend themselves without fear of prosecution.

What that means is if you see a guy on the street who you think is going to rob you, or you see as a threat, you have the right to pull out a gun and shoot him first. In other words, if you're white and you see two black kids approaching you, you can go Goetz on them.

So does this means one could shoot Jeb Bush if they saw him on the street? After all, He could be perceived as a threat to world peace, national security, the US economy and our civil liberties if he were to run for President.

Imagine the irony. That would almost be like sticking your head out of the window of a moving car and trying to spit, only to have it come back and hit you in the face. But then again, he is a Bush and that probably makes perfect sense to him.

The "Kill Bill" (HB249) is of course backed by the NRA and sponsored by Florida Republican Bill Baxley, the same nut who is responsible for Florida HB 837, which would allow Conservative Christians and Nazi's to sue "liberal" professors at state colleges if they talk about "controversial" subjects such as evolution and the holocaust.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Crazy Left Wing Liberal Causes

I went to a website the other day titled "Liberal Utopia", and in the synopsis the author says he wants to show what a hell this country would be if the "liberals" got their way. Well, he didn't do that; he basically sucked Bush off for a while and then took the all too predictable stances on Schiavo, ANWR, SS, guns and all the other issues that Jesus would have sided with two thousand years ago. After spending my three minutes on his page I soon found myself reading CNN, updating my blog, looking at porn , jamming darts into my eyes or something else a little more productive. I soon started contemplating what the world would be like if the liberals had their way.

Although some may, I have never really considered myself a "bleeding heart lefty liberal", other than maybe a few social issues such as tolerance and equality, but then I don't really consider those causes to be liberal, just logical. At this point I started looking at what "liberal" causes have done for this guy, and everyone else in this country, and realized that without these liberal causes, this country would be hell.

Here are all the crazy ideas we can blame on those hippie/commie liberals:

The freedom to write this blog
40 hour work weeks
The weekend
Overtime pay
Holidays and Holiday pay
Child welfare laws
Child labor laws
Homeless shelters
Clean air
Clean water
National Parks
Forest Preserves
Unemployment benefits
Social Security
Drug treatment centers
Tenant rights
Historical preservation societies
Free Libraries
Campaign laws
After school programs
Antitrust laws
Equal opportunity
And most importantly the 1st, 4th, 5th,6th,7th,8th,9th,13th,14th,15th,16th,19th,21st and 24th amendments and everything they include such as the abolition of slavery and women’s rights, just to name a few.

Ya Ya, I'll give credit where credit is due; conservatives are responsible for 2nd and 18th amendments.

Hmm, how valid is that 18th amendment now?

Constitutial Amendments

Please let me know if I have left any out.